Move Beyond All the Gourmet Fromage: French Crisps Represent Absolutely Depraved.

This past Christmas, I found myself in the French countryside, an area that appeared displaying impeccable manners. Discreet, sparkling decorations, outdoor market stands stacked with exquisitely fresh fruits and veggies, and such an abundance of fromage that could line the whole Eurotunnel with arterial plaque. Heaping dishes of glistening shellfish on ice seen through fogged brasserie windows. While observing a lengthy yet well-mannered procession of well-dressed citizens retrieving their artisanal *Bûche de Noël*, I thought, disloyally, that my home town, York, which becomes a present-day version of Hogarth’s Gin Lane over the holidays complete with e-cigarettes tasting of mincemeat and pre-mixed cocktails, would do well to absorb a few lessons.

The Elegant Facade

But this entire “art de vivre” affectation is just a polished mask – The country is as prey to its basest appetites like any other place. Merely enter any grocery store and the truth is revealed. The crisp aisle constitutes a temple of indulgence, stacked with flavours including Roquefort, spiced bean patty, Flemish stew and savory dairy fat flavours. Who eats chips that taste of butter? It’s like something from one of those midway festivals where they fry solid butter in batter. One popular comic recently claimed they are the ultimate chip she has ever sampled, though she has clearly succumbed to an instance of regional conditioning – after all, her childhood was in *Bretagne*.

Worldwide Anarchy

I know the crisp flavouring industry worldwide is as lawless and unregulated as big tech. Nobody seems willing to allow the humble spud to shine on its own, adorned only rightly with just a dignified dusting of salt. The UK boasts a dark history when it comes to snack tastes across Britain, especially at this time of year. Not long ago, let us not forget, gave us gingerbread Doritos and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. Furthermore, who can erase the memory of the instance where a major retailer deemed “festive fizz and berries” made for a good idea for a savoury snack? I expected more from the home of haute cuisine.

Where does it end? Foie gras crisps? Cream puff crisps? Gauloises? It's best I halt, lest I provide inspiration.